Don’t Use Divorce As a Weapon and Other Tips for a Happier Marriage
patrickcrawford | December 18, 2018
Today’s blog is about a good friend who married a long time ago,
and she likes to tell a story about the ground rules she and her husband
established way back then. She said they mutually decided on a few basic
principles for their marriage and to this day, she boasts, they have served
her well. So, what are these gems of wisdom? We’ll try to do them
justice in this summary:
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Forego cutting and mean-spirited remarks: She really believes this is the core of her successful marriage. When
two people live together (spouses, siblings, roommates) it can be easy
to say awful and mean things to one another in the heat of anger. The
problem is you can really hurt the other person with a cutting remark.
Sure, no one can stop you from thinking the hurtful things but don’t
express them out loud. (And truly, it’s better if you don’t
even think them!)
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Accept the annoying things because the good things are much better: This is probably one of the tougher ground rules to follow because sometimes
in a marriage you just want the other person to learn how to pick up their
wet towels off the bathroom floor and their failure to do so for years
and years can get really annoying. Guess what? That person will likely
never learn to pick up the towels so just accept it as an annoying thing
that you cannot change and instead focus on one of the good things your
spouse does do especially if he agrees to do the laundry. That should
more than compensate for the wet towels!
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Don’t use divorce as a weapon: It’s true that divorce is as much a psychological thing as it is
a legal matter. Some couples are “divorced” in reality long
before they are granted a legal
divorce by the courts. It’s the severing of the tight personal bond a couple
shares that starts them on the road to divorce attorneys and
family law judges. If you allow the word divorce to be regularly thrown around during
fights and disagreements then you are introducing it into the lexicon
of your marriage. Don’t say it unless you mean it should be your motto!
So we don’t know if any of this information will help a couple struggling
in a marriage. But, we do know that it makes perfect sense to adopt these
ground rules because they certainly can’t hurt a relationship. Divorce
is very painful (and sometimes very costly) so why not be proactive? Perhaps
Kim Kardashian would still be married if she had adhered to at least one
of these principles.