Life-Dividers Can Spell Divorce
I had never heard the term “life-dividers” until I read an article about duvets and divorce. First, for those who are not bedding aficionados, a duvet is a like a comforter on a bed or it can be a kind of cover for a comforter or a blanket. Literally, in French, it’s a quilt with a washable cover. Most 4-star hotels have a duvet on the bed so I’m sure you’ve slept with one at some point. Second, what does a type of comforter have to do with divorce and what is a life-divider?
It seems apropos to write about divorce in the context of a piece of bedding because let’s face it; a number one cause of divorce is lack of bedroom activities (aka sex). No matter how luxurious the bedding is, if there’s no physical intimacy in a marriage then that seems to lead to divorce. So back to the article about duvets – the way a person can wrap-up or cocoon one’s self in a duvet (to the exclusion of the bed partner) is considered a life-divider. It’s sending a clear, albeit subconscious in some cases, message to the bed partner to stay away. That’s why it’s a life-divider because the choice to sleep with a duvet can be a wedge in a marriage.
Now to move away from bedding to other life-dividers, what to be on watch for when thinking about marrying or having already taken the marital plunge. There’s the classic city vs. country life-divider. If she wants to live in the country and he wants to live in the city, there’s a big problem because neither will be truly happy in the other’s preferred locale. Even those with enough resources to have an abode in both places will always feel the life-divider twinge when it’s time to move to the less favorable location.
There’s also the omnipresent financial life-divider. He’s a big spender, she’s a penny-pinching saver, and how do they strike a balance? Without question, more hours have been spent on marriage counseling, divorce attorneys, and financial planners to tackle this one issue than probably any other. Finances will always be a life-divider so it’s better to reach agreement on the issue when you’re still dating because it will only get more inflammatory as time goes by in a relationship.
And last but certainly not least (nor really last as there are a lot of life-dividers to discuss) is children. One of the great life-dividers is whether to have them, how many to have and how to raise them. Remember all the hours with divorce attorneys and psychological counselors from the paragraph above on financial life-dividers? Times them by ten if children are the life-divider. If you don’t agree with your partner today about the very basic elements of children in your life, you will not agree with him/her in the future. If you want kids, and she doesn’t, that likely will not change 5 or even 10 years after the wedding ceremony. This is a topic that causes visceral reactions in people and will be a breaking point for many.